First Month Must Haves for Baby

Our perfect little man is just a little over 5 weeks old now! It's amazing how quickly time has gone by. I felt so lost those first few weeks and decided to share the items that became must haves for me.
Of course every baby (and Mom) is different, but these made my life so much easier!

1. Rock n Play- We tried having him sleep in a flat bassinet beside our bed (room sharing is something I strongly believe in!) but little Oliver was not a fan of sleeping totally flat on his back. I was concerned about the Rock n Play because of it's slight incline so we spoke with our pediatrician first who said the Rock n Play was perfectly safe to sleep in.

It's made roomsharing so much easier for all of us! Oliver sleeps soundly in it- it's easy to move from room to room and if he gets fussy I just gently rock it with my foot. I LOVE the rock n play and am unsure if any of us would have gotten sleep with out it!

This is the exact model we have- it's battery operated and surprisingly the batteries have lasted the entire month.

2. Snuza Hero- Anyone who knows me knows I have terrible anxiety. In the hospital without any monitoring on Ollie I did not sleep unless my husband was awake watching him. The snuza has helped me sleep at night. It's a tiny little device that clips onto the diaper and measures babies movements- if he stops having belly breaths for 15 seconds it vibrates to try to wake the baby up and reestablish breathing. If it continues without movement for another 5 seconds (20 total) it sounds an alarm to alert you so you can intervene.

Of course if it falls off you will have false alarms but for me I'd way rather a false alarm than not know if something were wrong with my sweet boy. To help prevent false alarms I fold the top of the diaper down to make it thicker and clip it on.

When his little umbilical cord hadn't fallen off yet we simply placed it to the side of his belly button to prevent any irritation to that area. We've never had a problem with it. Seeing that little green light blinking helps me sleep soundly knowing I would know if anything went wrong!

3. Zen Swaddle- Swaddling is so important for your little one- it reduces SIDS by eliminating any loose blankets in bed and helps stop their startle reflex which can jerk them awake. We started with the SwaddleMe wrap which was awesome because it made it so easy to swaddle and unswaddle when changing him at 2 am in straight mom zombie (aka mombie) mode.

My bestie told me about the Zen Swaddle and I looked it up and ordered it immediately. It's a swaddle wrap that is VERY lightly weighted to mimic being held. It's helped extend his sleep so much-We get 7 hour stretches at night.

They have two different models- we ordered the classic which is a lighter material. They also have a premium which is more expensive and a thicker (warmer) material. Anything to extend sleep is worth it to me!

4. Dr Browns Formula Pitcher-I tried really hard to exclusively breast feed- like made myself crazy trying. Unfortunately I had a breast reduction and just wasn't able to express enough milk for my little man. We saw a lactation consultant and he was only getting 10 cc's from my breast. That's NOTHING. So we definitely needed to supplement with formula. I'm grateful with a lot of hard work I'm now able to express at least 3 oz a day.

We used ready to feed formula for the first 4 weeks exclusively but it's REALLY expensive. Powdered formula is a lot more manageable although it is NOT sterile and their are some new guidelines from the CDC on how to prepare your formula (you can check them out here)

Doing this one bottle at a time would be SO annoying- this pitcher makes it so much more convenient to make his bottles. Every night I heat up the water- pour it into the pitcher add my powder and we make 24 oz. at a time. I then pour it into 7 bottles for the next day and all we need to do is grab a bottle, warm it and move on!

It's amazing how easy this whole process is and how quickly it goes- also there are NO bubbles with this mixer. It's PERFECT every time!

5. Soothe Shirt-Baby wearing is amazing and there are SO many different wraps and carriers. The easiest and most convenient for me has been the Soothe Shirt. My bestie had a baby before me and she let me borrow her shirt. I am in love! When I'm not wearing him it's still a cute tank top and no one could ever tell it's actually a baby carrier.

It's made my life so much easier- I carry him with me in stores, out for walks and just doing chores in the house. I strongly recommend adding this to your wardrobe for your little ones first few months.

6. Women- Now here is something that can't be bought. But seriously women- specifically other moms were so vital to surviving this past month. It's amazing how babies bring people together. Women I haven't spoken to since college have become some of my biggest confidants and I can thank Facebook for this. They've commiserated with me when i've been so depleted I felt I couldn't go on; they've offered suggestions on things from feeding to diaper changes and most of all they've just been an ear to hear me when I felt alone and isolated.

It takes a village to raise a child- I've heard it said many times and truly believe it to be the truth now. So if you're new to this parenting thing and feel alone, message me. You're not alone and I would love to join your village.

Things To Teach My Son

Hey all- I've been awful at blogging. I would love to blame it on my crazy busy life- raising a 4 year old; running a business and getting married has kept me busy. Honestly though it's just been a lack of inspiration. But I am here with a big announcement and a lot of inspiration for new posts!

I am pregnant and having a baby boy! TBH when I found out it was a boy I had a night of crying and pouting. Don't judge me- I'm super excited now and love this little boy SO MUCH it's crazy and he's like the size of an avocado; but I mean H-E-L-L-O I love glitter and tulle and bows. I had pins for days of little girl dresses and pink floral accents and I HAD DREAMS. I had to get my head around this change of plans really quickly because Hi- Nicole- you're not in charge; the universe is.

I had to make new dreams and I am now so excited to be having a little boy because I've realized some amazing things I get to teach him.

1. To respect women~ I don't just mean saying "ma'am" and doing the whole polite thing. I mean REALLY respecting women and not using them as a means to feel better about himself or create a more masculine persona by degrading and belittling them. That when you are talking to someone all the time and physical with someone you ARE in a relationship and holding that persons heart in your hands and that is a huge responsibility and it takes respect and tenderness to be worthy of that.

2. Consent is EVERYTHING~ No parent raises a child to be a rapist; I think it happens by avoiding the conversation that consent is vital in any sexual relationship. I mean sure it's awkward but I can't wait to teach my son the importance of this- that alcohol is a drug and the biggest date rape drug at that. That consent looks like two people saying yes and if ever there is a question if his partner is capable of consent the answer is always NO he/she isn't.

3. To be an active bystander~ To respect people and know consent is important is awesome but so many times we've all experienced hate and never spoken up. I hope to give my son the courage and security he needs to always be able to watch someone- ANYONE being oppressed and have the ability to say it isn't okay. To practice tenderness and love for his fellow man and always be courageous. Those men who saw that girl being raped in the Stanford rape case and did something about it are perfect examples of the sort of man I hope to raise my son to be. It takes bravery to defend those who can't defend themselves.

4. He is loved and accepted~ Whether he wants to play with Barbies, take tap dance classes or shoot guns. He is loved and valued as long as he is being authentically himself. I want my son to know my love is unconditional and whether my dreams for him line up with who he actually becomes or not; I will love and accept him because unconditional love is the most powerful tool a parent has.


" To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." Ralph Waldo Emerson

5. Being a parent is a responsibility~ I am so grateful my son will have his Daddy as his role model. He is an active parent- he does the laundry- the dishes and helps at bath time. I know I'm lucky. Being a parent is a life long responsibility for TWO people and being an active parent is vital in helping to keep a relationship healthy. Resentment grows quickly when one parent has the burden of all the responsibility. Having a child is not only the females responsibility and "watching" your child isn't babysitting it's parenting.

I am sure as I evolve and grow these things will change and evolve- what things do you want to teach your sons?

More posts to come soon! Including why the first trimester sucks.

The Weight Loss Trap

April 2015 and January 2016

As far back as I can remember I have struggled with my weight. Now don't get me wrong; I grew up fit and active when I say struggle I don't mean I've spent my entire life overweight. My struggle looked like a dark obsession with the idea of thinness.

At 14 I became entranced with some of the deep hidden pages online; finding community and "thinspiration" from other girls with the same obsession as me. Pro ana (pro anorexia) and Pro mia (pro bulimia) websites began to flourish and I sought out solace in these places. I learned tips and tricks to purge food easier without it hurting; how to use a toothbrush instead of your hand so no one would see teeth marks on your knuckles. This began the dark spiral of obsession with food; one that at the time I couldn't know would have long lasting implications on me and become a negative coping skill long into my adult years.

I danced with bulimia for years and at 18 years old stopped purging after a stint (18 months) in a therapeutic community (aka treatment). During this time my relationship with food was never truly addressed; although I stopped the purging which is a dangerous behavior with long term health implications, my binging never truly stopped. Food was of constant comfort and became my best friend. I quickly put weight on. I don't know the specific numbers of weight gain but I do know that in college with all you can eat food, late night pizza, crappy inexpensive junk food and a lot of booze was all I used to cope.

My weight became my greatest punishment to myself, the reason that nothing in life went the way it was suppose to. My boyfriend cheated on me, I didn't get the good job, I was the girl you screwed but didn't love etc etc. all of this happened because I was too fat. So I told myself at least. It became my reason excuse why life wasn't fair. It wasn't because I picked the wrong guys or didn't work hard enough that life didn't go my way it all came back to my weight. Writing it I feel silly saying this all; I kept myself victimized instead of empowered due to this innate belief that life was just better when you were skinny. My feminist mind told me this was wrong, I was not defined by my body or my weight but that core belief and voice haunted me without permission.

For years I sought to quiet it. Every man that I slept with silenced that inner monologue for a brief moment. "See I am good enough; someone wants me", it laid dormant for those few moments until I was alone or rejected by the same man who moments earlier quelled the pain. Loudly that voice came back hollering "See if you were skinnier, prettier he would have loved you; he was disgusted by your body." I have spent years chasing ways to lose weight convinced it would be the thing to solve my problems.

I wasn't aware at the time these were deeper issues; actually I wasn't aware any of this was even an issue at all.

I allowed food to run my life and gained more and more weight. I got up to 273 pounds. I never thought I would share this with anyone before but I've lived in shame too long about that number.
If you've followed my blog at all you know I had weight loss surgery and have lost a significant amount of weight. 97 pounds to be exact. That means I am now 176 pounds for all you math geniuses. I am still considered obese (annoying) according to BMI charts but I don't feel obese. I feel confident and good about my weight and healthy in a way I haven't for years. Don't get me wrong food is still my frenemy. I struggle everyday with what I want and what I should eat. This surgery has helped stop my binging because I just cannot consume a lot without puking it all up in a painful fit of tears and choking. It's lovely.

Now you may be asking yourself where is the weight loss trap if I am comfortable with my weight?
Well remember that innate core belief that said life was easier and better when you were thinner? I did not realize it at the time but that distorted thinking was there lurking beneath the fat waiting to make me miserable all over again. As I've lost weight gradually i've seen an increase in my anxiety and stress. I didn't notice it at first but the more I've lost the more momentous this anxiety has become and lately I've found myself awake until 4 AM just thinking.

I realized that without food as my coping skill I am left with no distraction from my fears, obsessions and thoughts. I truly believed that with weight loss would come an easier existence. Sure things have become easier in that I can now walk into any store and find something that fits; I can bend down and tie my shoe, I can chase my 4 year old step-daughter, I can walk and stand and jump without pain and being breathless. Life is easier in many ways but it has not stopped being life. Bad days still happen, people are still rude they just don't insult my weight anymore. I am still the exact same person I was, I have the same fears that I am not good enough, that I am failing at being an adult. I have the same desire to people please that I did at 273 lbs. Nothing has changed but my body and frankly I feel let down. I feel let down that I've accomplished this major feat (trust me I am proud of it) and that nothing major has changed. I HAVEN'T CHANGED. Food still controls my life, what am I eating, should I eat that, how much protein have I had today, have I eaten enough, too much? These questions plague me daily, sometimes minute by minute. The same obsession exists it's just in a different context.

I regret none of my weight loss so please don't read this as a sob story but as awareness for other girls out there like me who secretly believe and don't even know it that the weight is the problem. It isn't; the problem was and will always be me.

So for those of you sitting at home behind your computer thinking life isn't fair because you're fat or don't fit societies standard of beauty. Let me tell you it is NOT fair; you should not be judged for your body, belittled, made to feel small because you carry extra weight.  Losing it will not make life fair either. Life. Is. Not. Fair.

Creating body in fine hair

Hello beauties!! I'm so excited to share some new techniques I've been playing with for my clients with finer, thinner hair. I was lucky enough to attend a great cutting class with Donald Scott company recently and one of the many things we discussed was creating width and body in hair. Very regularly I will have my clients with thinner hair asking for layers to create volume. The reality of layers is that it removes weight and actually creates less body in your hair. Have you ever noticed in your own hair or someone else's that it will look like they have ends you can almost see through? This is because for their hair type they have too many layers and its removed so much weight it now looks like they have even less hair.

To create the illusion of fuller hair I am really recommending my layer addicted clients step away from removing hair and begin growing the layers out for a more blunt cut. This does not mean the cut has to be so blunt it has no shape, there is an in between. I've been doing more blunt bobs and lobs on my finer clients with texture at the ends to create body and movement but it's also adding width and volume to the hair.

Here is a great example, my beautiful client here had a lot of layers and it made her hair appear thin and pretty lifeless.

She took a risk and trusted me, we cut off several inches of her length and used a razor to texturize her ends in a blunt bob. I left her entire crown out but underneath her crown went in and did very light layering in the underneath part of her hair to give a little push up. 

We also changed her base color per her request and the entire makeover is absolutely stunning.

Now you may be looking at this and say ok, well it's curled and whenever you curl hair it looks like it has more volume... So here is a picture of it straight several weeks later. It's growing out beautifully. 

If you have fine hair and are desperately holding onto the last bit of length you have I strongly suggest taking the plunge and cutting it off. Working on growing out your layers and creating more volume and body will really help change what you can do with your hair. It will give you and your stylist a great starting point to help you get to where you want to be. There is nothing worst in this industry than feeling like you are handcuffed and can't do what's best for your client, because they won't let you. If you have a stylist you don't trust, start looking elsewhere. I am taking new clients ;-) 

If you do have a more blunt cut and still feel it's lifeless and thin look at your products, unfortunately very few of us have hair that is actually perfect without product and styling. A stylist can give you the most amazing cut but if you aren't willing to put a little work in with quality products and a blow drier it won't matter. 

Protect your investment, ask your stylist for tips on styling, I always take extra time to help my clients learn the best products for their hair and extra tips and tricks to curling etc. I want you to feel beautiful always not just the day you leave my salon. 

It takes practice to get the hang of it but once you do styling can be quick and easy. My bestie now can curl her whole head in a good 10 minutes; she can't even apply mascara so trust me if she can do it you can too!

Try it my way, if it doesn't work you can easily add layers back in. 

Later beauties 

Behind the Lens: Moroccanoil Academy

This is a picture heavy post!

Last week I was lucky enough to spend 3 days in New York City with Moroccanoil. I was able to work behind the scenes on an editorial shoot hosted by Moroccanoil. Below are a few of the behind the scenes images.

I had an amazing time working with our gorgeous model Bella Banos and photographer Anthony Friend. These are not professional images, just a sneak peek of what's to come!

I hope everyone has a blessed day!

Gastric Sleeve Surgery

I had the surgery yesterday 5-19-2015

Nothing could prepare me for the amount of gas pain I have. It's at times excruciating. I feel like I cannot breathe it hurts so bad.

I am trying so hard to remember why I made this choice. It's for a better, healthier future but the pain makes it hard in the moment. 

Yesterday I threw up blood and it felt like my insides were ripping in half. I just never want to experience anything like that again. 

The reason I am writing all of this is because I know in a few months when I am feeling better and "normal" I will want to eat. You see I didn't get in this position because I eat healthy. Food has been a friend and foe. I need to have this in writing so I can remember why I never want to experience this ever again. 

This is an opportunity to reset my body and my metabolism. The surgery does this for me. I need to do the work on my mind to make sure I never use food the same way again and don't get myself in the same situation. 

I have this image in my head of me as a balloon. When you first try to blow up a new balloon it's tough, it takes time, it needs to stretch. However once it's been blown up and is stretched its incredibly easy to blow it up again. I sort of think that applies to a lot of weight loss too. Like it's easy to get back to old habits and blow up the balloon again. 

I am determined to do something different. 

Liver Shrinking Diet Week 3

I won't lie, I didn't really write something for everyday this week. But I will fill you in on the days important things happened. Mostly it was a pretty good week.

Wednesday: I tried cauliflower mash for the first time, it was literally delicious. I may have used a little too much cheese :-/ cheese wasn't mentioned that much on the Liver Shrinking Diet so I'm not totally sure if it's okay or not. I would guess it's probably not something you're suppose to have a lot of. Oops but yummmm 

Thursday: I haven't lost any weight in like 2 days. So annoying. These little stalls in the past are when I just go crazy and say screw it and eat whatever I want. But I'm not doing it. I'm sticking to my plan. I'm eating less food, I use to use every one of my snacks but I'm not anymore. Not because I'm trying to starve myself but I just don't feel as hungry.  Pickles are my new favorite things though.

Friday: I have my last surgeon appointment. I also have blood work done and the bruises to prove it. 

The Dr. Seems super happy with my results my blood pressure was legit perfecto 120/70 it had started to get high which was making me anxious but eating differently is definitely helping. 

I have lost 18 lbs according to my last weigh in at the Dr. They're very pleased with the results. (I was wearing a boot however on my foot when I got weighed in last time so honestly that number is a little questionable to me) but hey I'll accept an 18 lbs weight loss gladly!! 

We discussed the different surgeries to verify this is the best one for me. He thinks this will work fine if I can commit to a lifestyle change... hell i'm doing counseling for a reason. I need to get to a different place with food. It's fuel not my friend. 

Saturday: I make a more "basic" meal and stick to what I am suppose to do. My besties come over to watch a movie it's hard for me not to eat popcorn. Maybe I'll try some "popped cauliflower" but it's too much work, so I eat a pickle. 

Sunday: Hello Mothers Day... This is a tough day for me. You see food has always been a part of celebrations for me. I want to eat, I want to go out to eat. To a restauraunt. But we don't. Instead Chris makes me a no noodle lasagna. We use fat free cheese which btw is totally grow. It doesn't really melt it's kinda like plastic. It clumps together and comes off all at once. Meh.

My friend reminds me I should stick to basics I am SO close to the actual surgery date I don't wanna mess anything up. Sigh... She is right. 

Monday: I start taking fiber, I can't errr ya know. I would guess it's 1. From cheese or 2. From barely eating food. 

I finally go to the potty (can you tell I live with a three year old?) 

I eat a basic dinner again. Nothing fancy! Spaghetti squash and ground turkey. 

I still haven't lost weight in days.

Tuesday (5-12-2015) starting on my last week. Step on the scale. I'm down two more pounds so according to the drs calculations that's 20 lbs! 20 lbs in 3 weeks 

Okay okay maybe all the cheese was stalling me out. Damn. I just want cheesy melty  goodness. 

Want to know something funny? I hate cheese, I always have. Well until now I guess. 

I am one week away from surgery!!! Until next time dear readers :-*