Gastric Sleeve Surgery

I had the surgery yesterday 5-19-2015

Nothing could prepare me for the amount of gas pain I have. It's at times excruciating. I feel like I cannot breathe it hurts so bad.

I am trying so hard to remember why I made this choice. It's for a better, healthier future but the pain makes it hard in the moment. 

Yesterday I threw up blood and it felt like my insides were ripping in half. I just never want to experience anything like that again. 

The reason I am writing all of this is because I know in a few months when I am feeling better and "normal" I will want to eat. You see I didn't get in this position because I eat healthy. Food has been a friend and foe. I need to have this in writing so I can remember why I never want to experience this ever again. 

This is an opportunity to reset my body and my metabolism. The surgery does this for me. I need to do the work on my mind to make sure I never use food the same way again and don't get myself in the same situation. 

I have this image in my head of me as a balloon. When you first try to blow up a new balloon it's tough, it takes time, it needs to stretch. However once it's been blown up and is stretched its incredibly easy to blow it up again. I sort of think that applies to a lot of weight loss too. Like it's easy to get back to old habits and blow up the balloon again. 

I am determined to do something different. 

Liver Shrinking Diet Week 3

I won't lie, I didn't really write something for everyday this week. But I will fill you in on the days important things happened. Mostly it was a pretty good week.

Wednesday: I tried cauliflower mash for the first time, it was literally delicious. I may have used a little too much cheese :-/ cheese wasn't mentioned that much on the Liver Shrinking Diet so I'm not totally sure if it's okay or not. I would guess it's probably not something you're suppose to have a lot of. Oops but yummmm 

Thursday: I haven't lost any weight in like 2 days. So annoying. These little stalls in the past are when I just go crazy and say screw it and eat whatever I want. But I'm not doing it. I'm sticking to my plan. I'm eating less food, I use to use every one of my snacks but I'm not anymore. Not because I'm trying to starve myself but I just don't feel as hungry.  Pickles are my new favorite things though.

Friday: I have my last surgeon appointment. I also have blood work done and the bruises to prove it. 

The Dr. Seems super happy with my results my blood pressure was legit perfecto 120/70 it had started to get high which was making me anxious but eating differently is definitely helping. 

I have lost 18 lbs according to my last weigh in at the Dr. They're very pleased with the results. (I was wearing a boot however on my foot when I got weighed in last time so honestly that number is a little questionable to me) but hey I'll accept an 18 lbs weight loss gladly!! 

We discussed the different surgeries to verify this is the best one for me. He thinks this will work fine if I can commit to a lifestyle change... hell i'm doing counseling for a reason. I need to get to a different place with food. It's fuel not my friend. 

Saturday: I make a more "basic" meal and stick to what I am suppose to do. My besties come over to watch a movie it's hard for me not to eat popcorn. Maybe I'll try some "popped cauliflower" but it's too much work, so I eat a pickle. 

Sunday: Hello Mothers Day... This is a tough day for me. You see food has always been a part of celebrations for me. I want to eat, I want to go out to eat. To a restauraunt. But we don't. Instead Chris makes me a no noodle lasagna. We use fat free cheese which btw is totally grow. It doesn't really melt it's kinda like plastic. It clumps together and comes off all at once. Meh.

My friend reminds me I should stick to basics I am SO close to the actual surgery date I don't wanna mess anything up. Sigh... She is right. 

Monday: I start taking fiber, I can't errr ya know. I would guess it's 1. From cheese or 2. From barely eating food. 

I finally go to the potty (can you tell I live with a three year old?) 

I eat a basic dinner again. Nothing fancy! Spaghetti squash and ground turkey. 

I still haven't lost weight in days.

Tuesday (5-12-2015) starting on my last week. Step on the scale. I'm down two more pounds so according to the drs calculations that's 20 lbs! 20 lbs in 3 weeks 

Okay okay maybe all the cheese was stalling me out. Damn. I just want cheesy melty  goodness. 

Want to know something funny? I hate cheese, I always have. Well until now I guess. 

I am one week away from surgery!!! Until next time dear readers :-*

Double braid style

Happy Wedensday! Today I have a cute and easy how to on this simple braided style. 

I am growing my hair out for the wedding and honestly I'm at the terrible length where it just flips out and I look very "Mary Tyler Moore". This results in me wearing my hair back in a ponytail A LOT! 

Sometimes though I get tired of that look and want to jazz it up a little. I did this little "updo" in less than  10 minutes this morning. 

To start I parted my hair like normal. I started on the section with the most hair. I left the hair around my hairline out completely and began braiding only pulling more from the top part of my hair. This is similar to a French braid but leaves a more relaxed final product. 

I then braided the smaller section around my hairline and brought that back with the braid and pinned it all in place.

Working on the other side of my head I did the same braiding technique and pinned next to the other braids. 

I rolled the remaining hair at my nape up and pinned. 

It was a simple way to jazz up wearing my hair back! 

If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask. Sometimes it's hard to describe the process! 

Liver Shrinking Diet: Week 2

Day 8: I am feeling okay today, I remembered I had some shakes from the Dr office I haven't tried yet so I decided to give it a whirl. Honestly these are def the best shakes I've had so far! 

Biggest lesson learned today, make sure that the lid is closed on your blender bottle prior to shaking! Evidence below! 

Oops. 

Day 9: I am sleepy today but feeling okay. 

I have lost 11 pounds now and that's pretty exciting! I really wanted to eat more ground turkey than I was allowed tonight but I didn't. Chris (my fiancé) has been a huge support, he told me not to do it and I somehow listened. Progress my friends, progress. 

Day 10: today I had a class with the nutritionist. Basically about what we can or cannot eat. It's nice to know what is coming but I'm also terrified. It's just so hard to imagine not eating food for 2-weeks after the surgery. Oh well I'll survive.

Day 11: they have us email people as a part of this surgery, to hear people's experiences who have done it before. It literally scares the crap out of me. Some of the responses are just not what I expected in terms of weight loss. Like I was expecting people to have lost a significant more than some have. I become terrified I'm making a wrong choice, that this is the wrong surgery. 

I am trying to remember we are all on our own path and that someone else's success does not dictate my own. 

Day 12: tonight was my besties birthday. I seriously had a hard night just not feeling "normal". Like everyone else was able to eat and enjoy themselves and I couldn't. Everything has to get measured and weighed etc. I know this is temporary but it didn't stop the tears. My friends are an amazing support though. I am lucky.

Day 13: tonight was another celebration and I never like cake, seriously I'm not a sweet person I am such a savory, salty person. However just not being "allowed" it makes me want it SO bad. It's like that childlike part of me that just wants to scream and pout because I am in control. I step back though and remember I AM in control. I'm making a choice to live a healthier life. When I give myself everything I want I have no control, it's how I got to where I am. 

Again knowing this doesn't stop the tears, the large drop off your face hiccup tears. 

Day 14: I wanted to cheat so bad today. Chris and I went on a random little road trip and I just wanted some fried chicken. I didn't though because what I know about me more than anything is one is never enough. I would cheat tonight and I could see myself headed into surgery without having done the work I needed to do. Today was hard but definitely a success.

This week was super emotional, I just felt sad a lot and like I was wanting and craving. The emotional work here is really the work that needs to be done. I am grateful for my support network and people who rally for me. 

This week I lost 3 lbs so I'm down 13 total. It felt a little discouraging at first to go from 10 lbs one week to 3 the next. However I'm trying to remember this is not a race and 13 lbs is a lot in 2 weeks.

Until next week reader!