I had the surgery yesterday 5-19-2015
Nothing could prepare me for the amount of gas pain I have. It's at times excruciating. I feel like I cannot breathe it hurts so bad.
I am trying so hard to remember why I made this choice. It's for a better, healthier future but the pain makes it hard in the moment.
Yesterday I threw up blood and it felt like my insides were ripping in half. I just never want to experience anything like that again.
The reason I am writing all of this is because I know in a few months when I am feeling better and "normal" I will want to eat. You see I didn't get in this position because I eat healthy. Food has been a friend and foe. I need to have this in writing so I can remember why I never want to experience this ever again.
This is an opportunity to reset my body and my metabolism. The surgery does this for me. I need to do the work on my mind to make sure I never use food the same way again and don't get myself in the same situation.
I have this image in my head of me as a balloon. When you first try to blow up a new balloon it's tough, it takes time, it needs to stretch. However once it's been blown up and is stretched its incredibly easy to blow it up again. I sort of think that applies to a lot of weight loss too. Like it's easy to get back to old habits and blow up the balloon again.
I am determined to do something different.
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