During lunch everyone goes out to socialize and I stay behind because I am quite sure I cannot sit there drinking the most disgusting protein shake watching people eat. I just don't have the will power, although I suppose that's what has me in this situation in the first place.
During the drive home it's now been 6 hours since I had my last shake (I didn't think I would be out as long as I was) I literally think I'm going to die. I'm dizzy and so naseaus. I call people in my network sobbing, I can't believe I have let myself and my body get so out of control that I have to go to such extremes to get healthy again.
I run to the store and buy a chicken bc I am allowed (thankfully) one "meal".
I carefully measure my 3 oz of skinless flavorless chicken and I swear to you as that touched my lips I almost cried. Nothing ever tasted as good as that chicken did.
I fell asleep at like 7 pm but hell I survived the day. 1 terrible no good very bad day.
Day 2: I slept for like 10 maybe 11 hours and I actually feel good today! I'm back in the salon and I am busy with clients. I start my day with my shake... It's the second day and already I'm a little less than enthused about this. Whatever I'm not sick, dizzy and everything else so we will just go with it.
I enjoy the same meal as yesterday and go to bed around 11:30pmb or 12:00 am
I didn't just survive the day I had a GOOD day. I feel excited like maybe there is hope!
Day 3: I wake up hungry, I mean really hungry. My stomach is growling and I feel naseaus as hell. F#%* I dunno how I'll survive today. Why do I feel like this again? I drink my shake and actually feel more sick to my stomach.
I am busy in the salon today and I eat my yogurt late maybe around 2 pm. I know I won't be home until 8:30-9:00 tonight so I try to hold off on my second shake until around 6:00 pm.
I choke down the shake and make it home a little after 9. I decided to mix it up tonight and I cook some lean ground beef. I eat 3 oz. of that and 1/2 cup of bean sprouts. I don't feel satisfied necessarily in any emotional way but my body stops screaming at me so that's good.
Day 4: I have an appointment today with the nutritionist, hopefully to get some clarification on what I can and cannot eat because I do not feel like I can do this for one month. Dear reader you may read this and think I am weak but I am struggling, I feel like I'm treading water and I'm just hoping I don't drown.
I miss the appointment, I ran late with a client and I am going to be 15 minutes late for my appointment. They won't let me come if I'm more than 10 minutes late. I called the office crying, begging, pleading.
The nutrionist calls me she is kind but I feel stupid I start crying again. I tell her that I sick, weak, dizzy. She said that means I am doing it right. I want to crawl in a hole. She said it's okay if I go a little over on my veggies. I need to be between 600-800 calories a day and I really have to watch my sugars.
I eat 3.8 oz of lean ground beef, I know I know it's suppose to be 3 oz but I REALLY needed to feel the meat between my teeth, to actually chew.
I go to bed. And I sleep and sleep and sleep.
Day 5: The protein shakes are making me sick to my stomach. I can barely choke them down. I go to GNC hoping to find something that won't make me gag. I buy quest peanut butter shake. It does not taste like peanut butter. I also try isopure mango peach. It's okay but at least it isn't thick and creamy and making me vomit in my mouth.
It's day 5 and I have 25 more to go. Please punch me.
I ate 1/2 a cup of spaghetti squash with 1/4 cup of tomato sauce and 3.8 oz of ground beef. Okay okay don't yell at me I know I shouldn't eat more than I am allowed but seriously I'm dying over here. My total calories for the day: 650.
I might have my cup of yogurt I'm allowed as a "dessert" it would bring me to 735 calories for the day.
I think I am still doing okay. I'm in the range.
Day 6: it's prom today and the salon is slammed. I love it! But I made a mistake and didn't drink my shake before I left, it's 1:30 before get any calories into my system and I am seriously starting to fade at that point. It's very clear I need to be on top of that, I guess it makes sense. I'm consuming so few calories that I really can't "wait" to take any in.
My whole day is sorta screwy with food. By the time I get home it's almost 6 and I haven't had my "lunch" shake yet. I drink my shake, oh btw I find a shake combo that doesn't make me pukie finally! Half chocolate and half peanut butter.
At around 7:30 Chris (my fiancé) brings me home chicken. So for dinner I eat chicken (skinless and boneless) and 1/2 a cup of green beans.
I get really hungry around 10:30 and I eat a pickle. I don't know if it's allowed, it's not listed on the veggies I can eat BUT it has nothing in it. No carbs, no calories so I don't feel too guilty. I guess I could have eaten my 10 carrots I'm allowed but that's sorta boring.
I'm proud of myself though bc I only ate 1 pickle and not 10. I reallllly wanted more!
Day 7: it's been one whole week and I am down 10 lbs. it's pretty exciting mostly bc I know I will never see those 10 lbs. again. In the past when I've crash dieted I've always put it back on plus some. But at the end of this will come a surgery that will assure if I do it as laid out I will never see this weight again.
I'm so excited at the idea of living a healthier life without the risk of obesity related diseases.
Til next time reader! I hope you have a blessed day.
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